My depression, truly, is back full force. It's exceedingly frustrating. I've been crying so much again lately. I don't want to exist, and yesterday I didn't want to live. I've considered myself doing a little better than in the past in that I'm not having suicidal ideation.
Except yesterday I did.
It wasn't a planning-it-out kind of ideation. More the recurring thought about how I don't want to live. About how I can't continue to live if I keep feeling like this. How is anyone supposed to?
So I do all my CBT and DBT tricks to counter these thoughts, try to counter my emotions/feelings, and stay positive/interact/etc. And these things help, they do. I'm certain that they're what's keeping me from being actively suicidal.
I'm just so tired of all of this. And it appears I'm on the fast track now for ECT. I know I'll be having that talk next week . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment