No really - I'm totally at work right now.
And I'm bloody exhausted. I'm in disbelief at how drained I am right now. The morning was busy - very busy. I didn't get a chance to sit down and eat breakfast until 1:30 (meaning I ate my lunch instead). And it wore me out.
The sad thing is, 4 months ago that wouldn't have been a problem. It wouldn't have phased me one bit. I've been forgetting things all day. Lots of things. Printing face sheets, calling a physician, calling the NNP about a c-section, giving report, putting in orders . . . I charted things under the wrong time and had to go back and fix it. Luckily I've caught all these little errors and nothing was major. But the fact that this is happening . . .
It frustrates me to no end. To know that my level of functioning is so deteriorated so much from what it has been. From what it used to be . . .To know that I'm struggling more than I ever thought I would. It frustrates me and depresses me - and I'm trying desperately not to become depressed about this (and sadly, it would be easy to slip).
I've reread this post 3 times because there have been so many errors - missed letters, extra letters, words completely left out, words out of order. What the fuck is going on??? I shouldn't be having issues like this.
And yet I am.
To be healthy I should accept my new level of functioning and move on. But that's near impossible for me right now. Maybe someday I will - but I can't now. Not now. Maybe it's my pride. Maybe it's my high standards for myself. It's probably both. And maybe more.
All I know is that I'm tired and drained and frustrated and down.
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