Awesome title, yeah? Not really. Today was sunny though. I sat outside for awhile and tried to meditate and I learned something - I suck at meditating. My mind likes to wander. But it was nice to have the sun on my face and to relax and hear nothing but the birds.
I'm feeling a little better today than I have the past several, which have been pretty rough. It's been hard though. The depression is right there - right under the surface, waiting for any opportunity to take control. It took all of my concentration to keep it at bay. I stayed busy - went to the gym, went on a drive, sewed - and I did everything I could to block negative thoughts and feelings and focus on the good. And that's a hell of a lot harder than it sounds and takes quite a bit of energy. It leaves me feeling drained.
I start back to work on Sunday and I have mixed feelings about it. I want to go back - I miss my job and coworkers and patients. But at the same time I'm apprehensive about it. I'm not sure how I'll handle the added stress. Especially with how I've felt since this past Sunday. I guess I'll find out.
I don't know what else to write right now. My brain is mush. I'd like to go to sleep until tomorrow morning (it's 5pm as I write this). Boo.
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