My mood is down in the dumps again. And not just low - curl up in a ball and not exist low. The last several days have been difficult. And it's frustrating because I thought I was starting to feel better. I was starting to feel a little emotion, come out of my shell a little, interact more, smile a little more, and even feel a little happy, a little "normal".
And then WHAM! Clancy (my brain) decided fuck you, we're gonna feel like shit again for no reason. Just because we can. And that's how I feel. I cried today. Quite a bit. And I felt lost and hopeless and angry that I felt lost and hopeless.
Nothing I do seems to work. Or it only works for a short time. My equine therapy, for example, makes me feel wonderful and content. That feeling lasts a couple of days and the flatness or now, depression, sinks in again.
I just don't know what to do anymore. A friend suggested I try acupuncture. So I will. I'm going to call tomorrow. Insurance will cover 24 appointments. Maybe I should try a juice fast and a colonic. Or some peyote. Or leeches.
One day at a time. One day at a time . . .
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