Weird

I feel weird. I think I put that in my last post. And that's really the only way I can describe how I feel. Weird. A little antsy, unsure, uneasy. Boggled by some thoughts. Confused.

I can't quite out my finger on it, but then I have some ideas as well. I certainly don't feel like myself. And I still have the ever present "I don't care about anything" attitude. And anger, irritability. And an overall feeling of being down. It's shitty. I also have this feeling of impending doom. I don't know why.

I don't like it.

Therapy with M was better today. Had him read my last post which, let's be honest, was nerve wracking for me. But we talked about it and it was okay. It was better than last week. But I still just . . .I don't know. I'm confused. I'll write more on this later after I think about it. I need to digest and ponder.

Saw Dr. C today and I'm back on Cymbalta (which, if you remember, I was on before and stopped because of sexual side effects). Trying 30mg instead of 60 - hoping for symptom relief without the side effects. We'll see how that goes. Dr. C mentioned he has to remind himself that I'm his patient and not a colleague. He also said that I am the highest functioning bipolar patient he has and I inspire him. And that he wants to publish my paintings, have me write a book, and run a support group. And this, apparently, is why he has to remind himself that I'm his patient. :)

I'll write more later. I need to think about what I'm feeling. Try and figure it out. As M says, I'm "too fucking insightful!"

I guess that's not a bad thing.