Defeated

That's how I feel right now. Utterly defeated. Just got home from my appointment with Dr. C and we're doing exactly what I thought - stopping Cymbalta and starting Wellbutrin. Joy. Another med change.

It seems that's all that ever happens. Try this med, stop this one, add this one, decrease this dosage . . . It's very frustrating. It's getting me nowhere. And I'm tired of it.

I left the office in a daze, near tears. I had to fight the tears while driving. And I'm sitting here, on the couch, struggling with what to write. My head is a whirlwind, but at the same time, sluggish and quiet. It's a very strange sensation.

I want to sleep. I'm so tired. Mentally and emotionally tired. But I only want to sleep so I don't have to deal with what I'm feeling. So devastatingly lost and defeated. I'll be honest - I'm not hopeful. We've been through this song and dance before and look where I'm at. Again.

I can't even write right now. I can't make sense of anything or concentrate. I'm staring off into space. I'll go cry. I'll try to sew. I'll carry on as best I can.