Still Cycling

I'm still cycling. It's mild, but it's there. Which is annoying. Can't I just be better already?

Also:

On Nov. 20, the first day of my last hospitalization, I was started on Zyprexa (I was manic and delusional and it was decided that an antipsychotic is a good idea). This is my first time being on an antipsychotic.

Now, I've been having some slight cognitive decline over the last 2 years, but nothing to write home about. But since the 20th . . . sweet mother of GOD what the hell is going on?!?!

First - memory. I'm forgetting everything. EVERYTHING. Things that I know inside and out - forgotten. I've done discharge instructions with patients literally THOUSANDS of times, but now I stop mid sentence not knowing what the hell I was just saying or how I should proceed. It's gone. I just stand there like an idiot stumbling over what I'm trying to say.

Second - concentration and focus. Yeah, totally not there. I get distracted easily. I just can't seem to focus or concentrate AT ALL.

Third - typing. Yep. Typing. Cami, what the hell are you talking about? Well, when I type I randomly leave letters out of words. For no reason. I don't know if my brain is moving too fast for my fingers to keep up or if I'm just literally forgetting letters. (I had to go back and reread this several times to make sure it made sense).

I know some of this is the disease itself - I've had some of these cognitive deficits already. But they haven't been to this extent. And I've declined so quickly.

Could it be the Zyprexa? I'm thinking yes. I emailed Dr. C about it and I'm guessing we'll be taking me off of it (which I'm perfectly fine with).

How stupid is all this???