I'm at work. And this morning, I thought I was having a good day, that today would be a good day. But no. I have to cycle. Not very high. Not too bad. But irritable and low. Feeling like crying, and then feeling somewhat normal, and then irritable. Cycling through all of these stupid emotions I can't control. I don't even know what "normal" for me is. I've been dealing with this episode for 9 FUCKING MONTHS. And quite frankly, I'm tired of it. Tired of putting on this charade of being okay. It's like a constant masquerade, only without the cool costumes.
I just want this part to be over. Done. I want to move on and be genuinly happy. Not happy then manic then pissed then crying. It gets old. And complaining about it obviously does no good. But I guess writing about it helps in a way. Otherwise I wouldn't be doing it.
Only 3.5 hours to go and I can leave. It's hard to feel like this at work. Maybe I'll write more later, maybe I won't. At any rate, I got something out, off my chest.
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