Back to Work

Going back to work in the morning, 1st day back in over 5 weeks. I'm a bit nervous about it. Well, about certain aspects of it.

I don't want to answer questions. People, naturally, will ask questions. And I don't want to answer. I don't want to deal with it at all. There are people who I'll talk to, tell them what happened, but they are few and far between. I just don't want to deal with it.

I'm worried I'll get overwhelmed. That I'll need to go off by myself several times to "reboot". Which will probably lead to questions.

I'm worried about akathisia coming on while I'm at work. If it does, I'll have to take meds which could make me drowsy. If I don't take meds, there will be questions (constant movement, walking, antsy, anxious is hard to hide).

I'm worried about my concentration and focus. I notice deficits at home so I wonder what they'll be like at work.

I'm worried about how drained and exhausted I'll be during and after my shift. Hanging with friends completely exhausts me so I have a feeling work will be worse . . .

We'll see how it goes, I guess. There will be a blog post on it, though not tomorrow night - I doubt I'll be up for it.


In other news, I was close to losing my shit today. Today was my son's Cub Scout rocket races. All the scouts made rockets to race down a length of fishing line. There were a lot of kids. Like, I don't know, 20? Plus parents. Lot's of people. Lot's of noise.

Too much stimulation. Apparently.

I got antsy, anxious. I was pacing, rocking back and forth from foot to foot, side to side. One of the moms (whose house we were at) asked if I had to use the bathroom.

No, thanks. Just cold.

Actually, I'm just anxious and antsy and impatient for no good reason and the feeling is growing every minute, so much so that I want to scream and run away and hide.

Thanks, though.

My son's rocket took home the ribbon for "most creative". He painted it like a "creeper" from the game Minecraft.