Thursday

I've been feeling rather well lately. Not too bad. Which has been nice. The depressive symptoms have been mild, and when they DO crop up, I'm typically able to keep them at bay (back with you, Ted). The manic symptoms come and go daily, but I'm getting much better at controlling them - at least the giddiness. I have a harder time with the agitation and irritability, but I'm getting there.
I've been a good girl and am doing the homework M gave me - namely, reading something inspirational first thing in the morning. I have 3 books that I'm reading from and I've found it helps. I'm also taking charge of some other aspects of my life. I'm going to the gym regularly, I'm starting to eat healthier, and I'm cutting caffeine out completely. The caffeine I'm AM weaning off of - I don't want to have a withdrawal headache! But in 2 weeks I'll be caffeine free!
I also considered trying to go gluten free. However, I like research and I can't find ANY research to support trying this when I DON'T have a gluten sensitivity (I've been tested before). I HAVE found supporting research on limiting refined carbs and simple sugars though and I'll be doing this. I already try to eat only whole grain cereals and breads, but I'm going to add more complex carbs and try to severely limit my intake of sweets, crackers, bagels, etc. I'm also adding as much fresh fruits and veggies as I can and am looking for alternatives to cookies and other desserts (for example - Nutella on strawberries is HEAVEN!).
The one thing that has not been fun lately are the hallucinations. I haven't been sleeping well AT ALL and I know lack of sleep can perpetuate manic symptoms - one of those being hallucinations. I've had them for 3 days and I hate it. It's terrifying. I see moving shadows, strange orbs of light, pulses of light, my dog appeared the size of a large lab (she's a sheltie mix), I saw a dog where there wasn't one . . . also noises. Hearing strange noises that I know aren't there. Hearing extra voices while listening to music. I've been jumpy because of it and I'm worried it might happen at work. It also means my manic symptoms are escalating. Which is terrifying in and of itself because I may end up having a full blown manic episode and thus be classified as bipolar 1 - something I don't want.
So I'm watching, deep breathing, meditating and controlling the symptoms. I remind myself the hallucinations aren't real. I do my reading. I talk to people. I'm writing. I'm slowing getting better and at least now I can see hope.