Annoyed

Yep. I'm annoyed. Very . . . annoyed.

My main mood seems to be flat, withdrawn, indifference with no desire to interact with people and not much real happiness.

Like I'm going back to square one.

And it's very annoying. I had real genuine happiness horseback riding at the ranch and spending time with Cotton and J and the owner. I had real genuine happiness on our short vacation with J. And, VERY fleetingly, I may have real genuine happiness sporadically (maybe once or twice a day?).

But most of the time I'm just this stupid shell again. So, what changed? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The big thing, of course, is stopping the Cymbalta. Which threw me into a mixed episode and made my moods all wonky. And by "wonky" I mean "rapid cycling bat shit crazy". Which makes it way more difficult for me to cope. So everything that I had been doing that was finally helping, isn't helping as much.

With the rapid cycling my diet kinda went to crap and I was skipping the gym. Most of the time. Now, I feel way better when I eat right and exercise regularly. So, I'm not doing this, so of course I'm not going to feel as good and I start feeling guilty about it and then I gain 8 pounds and that makes me feel worse and more guilty. Yep. Totally not helpful.

These are the things I came up with. It's not much, is it? But it's all I got right now - I can't pinpoint anything else. So yeah. Not sleeping well. Very distractable, difficulty concentrating and getting stressed more easily. Withdrawn, down, mostly flat, and I want to be left alone.

Pretty awesome.