So this is annoying. Yesterday I felt pretty damn good. I was productive, relatively happy, I sewed, ran errands, did the dishes . . .
Today . . . not so much. Today I feel like crying. Again, for no reason. I found out yesterday that my thyroid levels are too high now, so my thyroid medication has been reduced and I'll have blood work checked again in 6 weeks. What are symptoms of HYPERthyroidism? Fatigue, agitation, irritability, depression, mood swings, hair loss, insomnia. Many of the things I've been experiencing. Yay.
I can officially say that I hate my thyroid. And I'm tired of having to muck around to get the dosages correct. It's terribly annoying.
But that's not what's bothering me today. I don't think so anyway. I was put on call this morning, which is fine, but I think my mood would have been better at work. At least I would have been busy. I've spent the morning playing with Ayden. We played "army", we painted, we watched Max and Ruby. He's in the bath as I write this and I'm alone with my thoughts.
Do you know how horrible it feels to wish you had something bad happen to you, just so you'd have a reason to be depressed? If I was fighting cancer, I'd have a reason. Friends and family and coworkers would gather round me and support me and give me strength. Each triumph would be celebrated, my bad days would be understood.
It feels horrible to think that. Makes me feel guilty. But I also feel guilty because I have no reason for the way I feel. Maybe if I did, the depression wouldn't be so unbearable.