After my foray into tree destruction on Monday, I can honestly say that my anger - sorry, explosive, uncontrolled rage - is quite a bit better. I still have some irritability, but it's nothing compared to what it was. Not by a long shot.
I worked yesterday and actually had a decent day. I was able to joke a little, laugh, and didn't have to worry about reigning in my irrational anger. A BIG change from the last 2 weeks. I think what I noticed yesterday, and even more so today though, is that the depression is making a comeback BIG TIME. I still feel on the verge of tears at any given time for any given reason. I'm still not motivated to do much of anything. I'm still having thoughts of self harm (luckily not much suicidal ideation, and luckily I have good impulse control right now).
But the thoughts are pervasive and the depressive feelings are only tolerable at best (I almost started crying at the gym when a certain song came on). And, let's be honest, I'm really getting tired of this. I'm so glad the anger has abated - though I know at some point, any point it could come back - but the depression needs to follow. The depression is my downfall.
I'm keeping this short as I don't really have any motivation to write, either. I have a piece of vent art in mind, we'll see what comes of it.
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