Yep, That's a Cat Alright . . .

Ren and Stimpy plug. Ignore that.
It's Tuesday. Haven't written since Saturday. Last 2 days were boring, actually. Sunday I was at work and sick, but luckily I was able to go home early. Napped for a couple of hours. A little down but nothing bad. Yesterday I pretty much hung out at home. Not really sick anymore, just weak and tired. Drew a piece of vent art which is always helpful. J and I had a talk about everything that's been going on and what I write in my blog and how he feels about it. I think it was a good talk. Insomnia was my friend last night, sadly. I didn't take anything for it. Eventually I fell asleep.
Today I had therapy with M. Topic of the week? My sexual assault at a certain grocery chain I used to work at. It was surprisingly easy for me to talk about, though there were snippets of malice under my lightheartedness. M saw through my humor, of course. Though, truly, the assault is way less traumatizing than my abuse and rape. Mainly, I think, because I actually did something about that. I told people, people who I trusted, and got the guy fired. I didn't press charges because I was too overwhelmed to deal with talking to the police (at this time, the physical and sexual abuse in my relationship was starting to skyrocket).
We also talked about my moods over the past week and what I've been doing to counteract them. It was a good session (they always are!), but I was a bit giddy and distracted. M had to focus me a couple of times, which was fine  - I just hate being that way. Stupid hypomania.
I think what I'm struggling the most with right now is finding meaning in life. Which I'm sure sounds stupid. Great husband, awesome son, amazing friends, career . . .how can I not find meaning? Well, there's the rub. That's the depression bit trying to come back, gain a stronghold. Strangle hold is more accurate, actually. It makes everything seem worthless and pointless. It's not all the way there - not yet. And I intend to keep it that way.
But this, the depression, coupled with my hypomanic tendencies lately are a problem. I'm giving it time, seeing if it will pass in the wake of everything I've been working through the past 3 weeks. I'm hoping it will. If not, I'll do whatever needs to be done to be in control again.
It's interesting, as I reread this post, it sounds very flat and emotionless. Maybe because that's how I feel at this moment. I don't know.
Still weekly sessions, support group next Thursday, same meds . . .probably more vent art. And reminding myself of all the wonderful things in my life.
I hate this disease.