I'm up WAY too early

It's 0430, Thursday morning. I don't actually need to be up until 0540. But I can't sleep. The night before last, I got a whopping 3 hours (probably less) thanks to my congestion and inability to breathe. My congestion was better last night (though I still had to get up numerous times to blow my nose and baste myself in Vicks Vaporub). But I've been awake since 0300. Part of the problem? My bed is being taken up entirely by my hubby, son and dog. But the main reason is that my mind is racing. Going over scenario after scenario of just about everything. It's frustrating and I can't turn my brain off.

I'm especially fixated on my artwork. With Dr. C and M wanting it for a presentation, the dim hope on the horizon of having some pieces published in bp Magazine, of making my own prints and books to sell online . . .it's overwhelming. I want my art to be published. I want my art to be seen. I want my art to help others understand the illness, the struggle, and to show people they are not alone in how they feel. That would be the best gift ever - if somehow my work could help another person.

The first step to all of this, is having my work scanned - professionally. In doing this, I ensure a high quality, high resolution digital image to make prints, etc. with. The problem? It costs money. J found an art gallery that does the scanning for $15/sq. foot. For my size paintings, that's around $15 each. Which for my 22 paintings thus far is $330. And honestly? That's an amazing deal! (We found a couple places charging $60-75 per painting).  If I have my way, and hopefully (most likely) I will, I want to just have all of them scanned. Now. No waiting. Put it on the credit card and let's go. We did leave one piece with them to do a trial scan and print to check for quality, but from the look of other scans they had just finished, it's sure to be good.

And I know I'm impatient, and I know J is going to point out that we're spending $800 next week on getting my timing belt done, and Christmas is almost here, and all the other countless things that cost money. I know that. I get that. But I am impatient. And? This actually is very important to me. I feel like I need to get this done. Not want - need. I feel pressured, frantic, like it's now or never. And I'm not quite sure why I feel so sure and so strongly about this getting done. But it needs to get done. And I think I'll continue to feel anxious until it does.

I have other things to write about, but I'll save it for my next post. And I figured I ought to post a painting with each blog entry I write.

"Catch and Release"
14X5.5

Do you see, how the wind in your hair now feels differently?
Catch and release, the lure above.
     - Silversun Pickups

This painting is about being caught - either in or out of depression - only to be released. For me, I'm typically in the depression, caught, and being pulled up, only to be released back down to the depths. What's the lure above? Anything you want it to be - family, friends, God, willpower . . .That part is up to you.